“And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter: so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it.” Jeremiah 18:4

We are all marred by sin. It is sin that makes us feel damaged, less than perfect, unattractive, useless, disfigured, and scarred. Sin impairs and spoils our vision of what God has planned for our lives. That is why He lovingly crushes us and puts us back on the wheel for remolding.

If anyone knows the marred life it is me. It seems that I have been on the potter’s wheel more than I have been off. My history is certainly less than perfect. Name a Ten Commandment and I will give you an example of just how marred my past (and possibly present) is.

As a young child I was very curious. This curiosity led me in to more trouble than you could imagine. I grew from a “curious” child to a “rebellious” teenager. I can’t exactly pinpoint why I chose to behave the way I did but I really had no regrets. Getting called out by teachers or going to the principal’s office didn’t seem to faze me nearly as much as it did my poor mother. My rear end was tough by then so corporal punishment was a joke and detentions were just another opportunity to annoy teachers. I got a kick out of being me.

In the midst of my teenage rebellion, I met a girl on the bus who invited me to spend the night with her and go to church with her the next morning. I was up for any excuse to get out of the house so I accepted. I hadn’t been to church in a few years. I never liked church before but I actually liked going to that church. The lessons were cool, the kids were different, the teachers were not demanding, and I made a couple of new friends. Before long I was involved in everything the church offered for students. Things were going great and in the summer of ’83 at a camp in South Carolina I asked Jesus to forgive me and be my Lord.

I was completely changed in an instant. I stopped being rebellious at home and at school. My grades were perfect. I no longer snuck off, told lies, stole, lusted after older boys, got in fights, cussed……..YEAH RIGHT!! I swear as I live and breathe I got worse. I would read my Bible with the Eagles blasting in the background and think, “Oh, God, I’m going straight to hell.” After a while I believed the lie that because I was Saved I could do whatever I wanted to do. So there I was a rebellious teenager with a free get-out-of-hell-ticket-to-heaven that made my boundaries for rebellion even larger. The next few years I would put this forgiveness and eternal love stuff to the test. I’ll spare you the details….for now.

I was the perfect image of a marred vessel. I can only guess that when I asked Jesus in to my heart at age 14 I must have been falling off the potter’s wheel while I was praying. When I was 21 years old I hit the bottom of the bottom. My family wanted nothing to do with me. All but one of my friends had given up on me. I was homeless, jobless, and directionless. Getting high and drinking were the only constants I had in my life. Partying did not make me happy nor did it give me an escape. It only made what was going on worse. My lifestyle could not mask the choices I had made and the pain I had caused. I was never blinded to my pain by the drugs and alcohol. I think back then I really wanted to be blinded. But for some reason, God did not let drugs and alcohol consume me. I was always very aware and never numb.

During this time, a man I knew introduced me to his God-fearing mother. She was the sweetest little old lady ever. She had a room I could stay in rent free. She would corner me every day and in her sweet little old lady voice tell me about her church news and that she and the ladies at the church were praying for me. [At the time]I really wished they wouldn’t do that. However, over time she started getting to me. I stopped trying to avoid her like before. Her news about the church no longer bored me and the fact that they were praying started to comfort me. At least someone cared about me. She treated me with such kindness and compassion; however, I couldn’t shake the feeling of being so dirty and worthless in her presence. I kept thinking, “If she only knew.” Looking back, I know she knew.

One morning I came to myself. Just like the younger prodigal son I woke up and realized that I was in a nasty pit. So much had gone on and it was too much for me to carry alone anymore. I was finished. I cried out to God, not for forgiveness but rather, “Lord, I would rather be dead than be used as an instrument for the devil any longer! Just kill me now and get this over with!” I looked out the window at the trees swaying in the breeze with the morning sun shining in streams of silver though the green and golden leaves. Somehow I knew He heard me. But He had an entirely different kind of death in mind.

Later that very same day the man who introduced me to his mother called me with an opportunity to make some extra money. All I had to do was to drive a car that belonged to a couple who had moved to Florida, from Knoxville to St. Petersburg. The couple would pay me $300 and cover my food, lodging and return expenses. I accepted.

I really had no idea what the future held. I had not planned to stay in Florida but for some reason I packed everything I could in two suitcases. I spent that evening with my one and only friend. We had the best time. Madonna was performing live in London and it was being broadcast on the radio. We laughed and sang so much that night. The next morning as I was getting in the car to leave she questioned me already knowing the answer, “You’re not coming back, are you?”

Little did I know at the time that God was placing me back on the potter’s wheel to reshape me in to a vessel He would use later in the future. My “death” was in the move. While in Florida I met up with a young man I had met on a previous trip. He too was in a pit. His pit was very different from mine but a pit none-the-less. We started hanging out together and became close friends. One night we went on a “date” to a popular beach bar. After a while, we made our way out to the beach. He was discouraged about his and his family’s present situation. I told him about God and how God understood what he was going through and how God loved him. (Yeah, I know… weird right?) There I was on a beach miles away from my home town with no direction of my own holding a joint in one hand and a beer in the other telling this guy about God’s love and how He had a plan for his life. Call me crazy but I don’t remember this strategy in any Witnessing 101 classes!

Eventually, we fell in love, got married and had our first child. She was (and still is) a beautiful, spotless, near perfect little child. My pregnancy and her birth was part of the remolding process taking place on the potter’s wheel. For obvious reasons drugs and alcohol were no longer issues. From the moment I found out I was pregnant I would read the Bible and pray. I knew nothing about the prompting of the Holy Spirit at that time so I was reading and praying purely out of selfish fear. I did not want to mess this up. I “re-dedicated” my life and dedicated my unborn baby’s life to Christ. My husband did not share my religious ambition. However, four and a half years after the birth of our first child my husband became a Christian as a result of another man’s obedience.

From that time on, our marriage and lives have been glorious and heavenly with no defect or fault. We have lived in perfect harmony and peace. We have never once encountered the problems found in non-believers’ marriages. As if!!!! Once we both were on the Christian boat of hope, our marriage was crushed and remolded on several occasions. We have been blessed to go through it all. I say blessed because every trial and temptation we have faced and endured in our marriage has only made us stronger and our love for one another is truly unbreakable and absolutely unconditional because of what we have learned along the way. God made our marriage one fine vessel in His hand.

We have been married for almost 21 years and now have four beautiful, spotless, near perfect children. We have been actively involved in church ministry and missions for many years now. Our children are all believers who love the Lord. We have a plethora of godly friends who encourage and challenge us. A lot of crushing and remolding has taken place to get us this far. I am sure we are in for more.

But you know what? I am excited about getting on that wheel. Think about it. God has this awesome ability to remold us for His good pleasure whenever He chooses. With the knowledge of the result we no longer have to be bound by the process. These little, and sometimes large, cracks in our vessels aren’t obstacles but opportunities in the Potter’s hands. So when you feel like you are being crushed rejoice in the renewing that is taking place. God isn’t going to leave His vessel marred. He will continue to reshape His vessel unto perfection.

God won’t leave us in our marred state and rendered useless. He will continue to press and mold us to the likeness of Christ Jesus. He is constantly forming us to serve His purpose. We are becoming vessels He fills with the Gospel and with His Spirit.

Once I was a curious little girl and then rebellious young person. Now I am a bold and courageous woman. I am a vessel to be reckoned with my friend. I know the Potter and I am confident that only He can crush me and only He can mold me according to His purpose. Check out this fine workmanship. I am daily being filled with His Gospel and His Holy Spirit. If He discovers a crack or marred spot He will fix it. Oh my goodness that’s good news!

“Take me, mold me, fill me, use me… I give my life to the Potter’s hands.”

Jeremiah 18:1-4, Jeremiah 29:11, John 1:4, Isaiah 64:8, 2 Corinthians 4:8, Philippians 3:13, Luke 15:11-32